June 1st- My year has come to an end!

Oh My Word! Has it already been a year? This year has passed by so quickly. I never thought it would end. But I made it and I stuck with my promise. A year ago today I heard God speak to me. I have always been one to day dream about my future: a great husband, great kids, and a comfortable income. But I was daydreaming so much that it had consumed me. I let it become the one thing I thought about daily, instead of letting God take care of it. Plus, my relationship with Him was pretty rocky.

So on May 31st, I prayed and told God that I gave it over to Him. I put full control of ALL my life in His hands. I wasn't really expecting an answer, but sure enough, I got one. The next day to be exact. June 1, 2007 at EXACTLY 9 am, I was awakened by a voice, God's voice, telling me to give Him a year. A year? That seems soooo long. I had just turned 28, so I would be 29 when the year was up. Too close to 30! Come on, why a year? But you know, the year has gone by so quickly.

I am not saying it was easy. It was far from easy. I encountered more trials in the past year than I think I have in my entire life, combined! A lot of family drama, work chaos, etc. It all hit me hard this year. But in the midst of the trials, I called on God more and gave it all to Him. I did not have to worry about it anymore. God had full control and He would help me face those trials. In turn, my faith and relationship with God grew more and more everyday. I do still struggle with connecting with Him through His word on a daily basis, and I am working on that, but I also allow Him to take control of every area of my life. I have no worries anymore.

Ok, so back to the commitment. I gave God the year. Yes, I would look at a guy and think 'Man he is cute! I wander if he is the one.' but then I would tell myself 'Tonya, June. You can do it. God will keep His promise if you are faithful to your commitment.' So there were many struggles, but it hasn't been too difficult.

There was one instance where I allowed my dreams to get ahead of my commitment. I was really depressed (for like a day) when I turned 29. That is one year shy of 30 and I am still single. So to help with my depression, I joined eHarmony. I know, stupid decision. Well, because of that membership, I e-mailed a couple guys and we were talking. There was even a guy that was friends with a friend and we were communicating a little more than the others. I got so wrapped in it that guilt overwhelmed me. I had to tell this sweet guy that I was unable to continue talking to him because I had a commitment that I was breaking and just talking to him made me feet guilty and sick. But I knew that I had to get back on track with God because the guilt was distracting me from my daily life. I don't know if I will ever talk to this guy again, but God has a plan for me.

So, here's to the best year of my life. I am glad that it is over, but the lessons I have learned will remain with me forever. Now I can believe that God is working on the heart of the man He is preparing for me. I know He continues to work on mine. And who knows, there may be wedding bells before you know it!

Lady in Waiting

So, I started this new book called 'Lady in Waiting' by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. Let me tell you, I have just got through the first chapter, and I am beginning to learn a lot. I have about 6 large note cards full of quotes from the book and about 6 new Bible verses that I just love but have never really thought about before.

I have always dreamed about the perfect man. My prince; my night in shining armor; my rescuer. What I never thought about before is that I was putting this 'desire' before my desire and relationship with God.

About a year ago, I was so desperate to find a husband. I mean, I am really close to 30 and I am still single. Not cool! I prayed one night for God's will in this area, and he began to speak to me the following morning. It was 9am to be exact. He told me to give Him a year, and if I am faithful to Him, He will bless me with my heart's desires (kinda like the verse Psalm 37:4). It has been a very rough year, but I am finally learning to trust God. And I will remain faithful to His calling.

My year is almost up, and I feel closer to God than I have ever felt, but I am still not nearly as close as I desire to be. I picked up this book and immediately knew I had to read it. I am a Lady in Waiting, so this is perfect for me. I can draw closer to God as my year draws to an end. It may take longer than that year for God to bring my earthly prince, but for now I want to learn to become God's best.

Adding some pics!

The 'Rose' Children
(From Dinner at the Rose's drama we did this week)

Me

Noah

Hailey

Me and Jordan

Just some pics of my life!

Hearing God

I have had people ask me 'How do you know what you hear is from God?' or 'How do you know it's God?' or similar questions.

As many of you know, I heard from God almost a year ago. People have asked me how I know it was God, and it has been a hard question to answer and explain.

Until recently, I almost questioned if it was God or not. Maybe it was my subconscious telling me that I need to wait. (If you don't know what I am talking about when I say wait, God called me to give Him a year. I was so wrapped up into finding a 'husband' that I put God second. This last year I have been dedicated to drawing closer to God, which it took until recently to figure out that I wasn't quite there.)

Ok, so this is my explanation to how I know when it is God who is speaking to me. Some of you may or may not agree, but I know that it is God this way:

~It's the times when you are just sitting there and all of the sudden you hear a voice talking to you and telling you something you could never in a million years dream you would hear.

~It's the times when you suddenly wake from a deep sleep, only to hear someone speaking to you.

~Sometimes it's the times when you least expect it.

~It can be shown in the little details. Like the fact that it is exactly a certain time.

~And it's the times when you just know it is God. He has a way of just making sure you know it is Him. Trust me, you will know.

I guess I can explain better by example.

When God spoke to me, I was sleeping very soundly. All of the sudden, at exactly 9 am, I was awoken to a voice saying 'Give me a year.' That's all I heard, but I knew it was God and I knew what He was talking about. See, the night before I prayed that God would send me a husband. And His answer was very clear.

So, if you have asked the question 'How do I know it is God?' , you will just know. It will be a clear voice. And if you are one of those that ask 'Why doesn't God speak to me?' All you have to do is listen. He is speaking to you. All you need to do is open your ears.

Chasing After God

That is my heart's desire. To grow as close to God as I can. I want to be in His presence daily. I have struggled a lot with reading His word, praying...everything that I need to do in order to draw closer to Him. I love God with all my heart. I trust in Him and I know that He has my life in His hands. I have surrendered my will over to Him. But I struggle daily to get into the word. I have even found myself having a hard time taking time to pray. I feel as though I am not putting forth any effort.
Is that why my blessings are so slim?

I love my life! I have great friends and my family is not so bad. But I know I am missing something. I am not quite sure what it is. I am very happy on the inside, but my face never really shows it. I always use the excuse that I am tired, but I think sometimes it is more than that. Could it be that because I am not spending time with God that I am not as happy as I should be? I mean, I am happy or maybe I am just content. I don't really know. I just know that I need to draw closer to God.


I also think that I hold onto a fear. Fear of what I am not sure. I know that it is not a fear of my relationship with God. I think it is more of a fear of what others will say if I stand up and speak. I know I don't need to be afraid, but I have a bad case of stage fright. There is so much that stirs in my heart that I would love to share with people, but I freeze and I can never really share it with the passion I know is there.
Oh, how I need prayer!

Chasing after God...that is definitely what I want to do. How do I do it? Through God's word and prayer.
That is a good start!

God is Amazing!

He has done some amazing things in my life lately. I feel more and more blessed the more I surrender to Him. It is a great feeling. I use to get depressed easily. I would let things bother me, and if I didn't get my way, I would be highly upset. Now, giving it to God has been the best thing in my life. I don't have to worry about anything because I know that He has my life in His hands.

I am becoming content with the life I am living. I know that when God is finished working in me, He will bless me with my heart's desires. I am happier now than I have ever been. When people ask me how I am doing these days, I try to tell them that I have never been happier. Life is busy, yes. But how busy can life be to not take time out daily to at least thank God for His blessings? THANK YOU JESUS for dying for me. THANK YOU GOD for breathing life into this broken body! I want to live everyday knowing that I have done my best to glorify your name!

Life is hard, I will admit. Things in my life right now have never been more screwed up, but I am still praising God. I will not let it bring me down. Satan cannot steal my joy. I LOVE YOU JESUS!!! My life is nothing without you.

Well, that is just a start of an update on my life as we know it! God's will for my life is so much better than anything I could ever plan for myself!

Start of Something New

Wow, I never thought I would ever become a blogger. I am always too busy to take the time and write. I need to more often. I have so much going on in my head, that writing it down and sharing may help me. Life is amazing! GOD is amazing! I am living everyday trying to allow Him to be the center of everything. I have a hard time sometimes surrendering it all to Him, but I am learning that it is easier than trying to control my own life. It just gets screwed up then. With Him at the helm, I am headed for a very happy life!

Well, I will write some more later. I just wanted to get this thing started. I hope that I can at least get one person to take the time to read this. That would be great. If not, then this is a great place just to write down my thoughts and be able to look back on them.